Dear Friends,
This week at Synod, we made an apology to those who have suffered domestic abuse in our churches and not received adequate care and support. I was privileged to be a part of the apology. The wording of the apology is:
That this Synod grieves with victims and survivors of domestic abuse, and prays for their healing and recovery. We give thanks to God for those women and men, clergy and lay people, who have faithfully supported, cared for and protected such victims in our churches and communities.
We grieve that God’s good gift of marriage can be distorted and dishonoured through the sin of perpetrators. We pray for their repentance and restoration to faithful living under Christ.
We also deeply regret that domestic abuse has occurred among those who attend our churches, and even among some in leadership. We apologise for those times our teaching and pastoral care have failed adequately to support victims and call perpetrators to account.
I gave a speech during the consideration of the apology, some of which follows.
Moving to Campbelltown was an eye-opening experience for my family and me. For the things that were hidden on the north side behind closed doors, high walls, thick make up, and societal politeness are on display in our streets.
At least once a month I hear couples fighting in the park just outside my office window. Sometimes alcohol is a factor but often it’s just broken people in broken relationships trying to make sense of this broken world. Both of those people there, out the front of my church are someone’s children and I can guarantee neither they nor their parents ever thought they would end up like that.
Sadly – I admit, that sometimes I have been too busy or too preoccupied or too slow to go out into that park and speak words of hope into the hopelessness.
It is for this reason and more that I am so thankful to speak to this apology – not just because I feel personally that I need to make it, but because we Christians are the people who know from the Scriptures what family and community should look like and we have not always pursued what is best for others, protected the vulnerable and helped the oppressed.
Domestic abuse is in the homes of our church members. Members of our church are caring for people right now because their Christian spouses are aggressive and violent towards them and their family. It’s a Fact … It’s unacceptable. It’s ungodly. And I need to do better at helping people. I am still learning how and I encourage you to encourage our staff and your growth group leaders to learn with me.
One of the many things I have learned is the need for constant and caring but not overbearing follow up. In the busy-ness of parish life we clergy can forget to freshly enquire about how things are going for someone, we can forget to ask what we can do to help and we can forget to pray for and with the people involved. I have forgotten to do these things and I am deeply sorry to those who I have failed.
I hope this apology might go some way towards all of us lifting our eyes, increasing our care, taking responsibility for failure and signalling that we will pursue what is best for the people in our midst in the future for the Glory of God.
Nigel Fortescue